I have motion sickness.
Many of times, if I’m the passenger in your car, I will need to be in the front seat with the AC on or the window open with my head facing straight forward. And chances are, if I’ve been the passenger in your car, I’ve gotten queasy because this girl can NOT keep her head straight…not when there are so many great things to look at out the side windows! Or if you speak to me…I *have* to look at you. Because (hello): I’m anything but rude!
Recently, I remembered that there was a time in my life that it wasn’t such a problem. In fact, there was a time that I was the passenger quite often, looking out the side window at all the great scenery, and also looking over at the man that had all but made me his wife in the driver’s seat. I don’t remember getting motion sickness then. I gave up the control of where I was going to a person I thought wanted to go the same direction. I was wrong.
So, over the past several years, I have become the designated driver on many occasions. I drive myself to most destinations, and if with friends, I usually offer to drive. Everyone has just come to understand that I drive my own car and if I don’t, I get motion sickness. On top of that, I always have control of where we’re going and how we will get there.
It has dawned on me that I’m running my life and my relationship with God in much the same way. Fear that if I give up the steering wheel, I’ll have to endure the queasiness. I somehow convinced myself that I have control of where I go and the only choice is to drive myself, or get out of the car altogether. But I’m realizing that if I truly want to move forward, I’m going to have to learn to be a passenger again. It might not always feel great, but I want to go only where He’s taking me!
How about you? Are you still trying to drive? Have you learned to be a passenger? Or have you gotten out of the car completely?
What if I had never dated him? What if I had never gone back after he was unfaithful? What if I had been upfront with how he made me feel when he did exactly the opposite of what he was saying? What if I was thinner? What if I had stayed in that program or job? What if I had shown up at church the day that dude wanted to meet me? There had always been a lot of “what ifs” in my mind when I thought about past or possible relationships. But as I drove home from my connect group, I again got a glimpse into what God has been planting in my heart.
Our group is called the “Power of Pursuit” and is directed toward single ladies in the church who are committing themselves to seek God’s best for their lives in dating. Tonight we had a lovely couple who shared their story and a whole lotta wisdom. A few of us spoke after, and the sentiment was the same: “Man,THAT was inspiring!” You know that stirring you get when God is doing much more on the inside than you can even put into words? Well, I got that feeling on the drive home.
What if I was meant to be single right now? Now hear me clearly…right NOW. Not forever. Just right now. Because guess what…I am single right now. And, guess what. I’m actually okay with that. God planted a seed in me about 2 years ago that I deserved more than I could hope for, or imagine, when it comes to a husband. Every so once in a while, I allow myself to “what if” my way out of that by listening to the world, and sometimes, even friends that try to convince me that my standards are too high, I’m not doing enough, or that I’m running out of time.
What if it’s okay that I’m not in a relationship because God knew that I needed to be single right now to get this work done?
What if He’s building me up now, because whatever is coming down the line, is going to require some-thing and some-one special that He’s equipping me for?
What if this desire to know God better and His will for my life is what my focus should be on right now?
My heart has been convicted: there’s no “what ifs” about it.